A letter to my 25-year-old self

Hi Mariju!

Where are you now? WHO are you now? I hope that you didn't give up trying to find your purpose. You're one hell of a smart woman. I hope that you made great use of your talents. I hope you did great things for the last four years. You should be having the most fun at the age of 25. Well, at least that's how I hope it should be. This will be a letter full of "I hope".

Do you remember reading about quotations that say it's a long road to success? Well, I'm currently on that road. The worse part is that I'm not sure yet where it is I'm going. I hope that you're already on your first finish line so you can start dreaming of bigger things. Just keep moving forward. You may take your time but don't ever stop. Right now, my only goal is to finally find a decent job that I'm not overqualified for. I want to save for my son's education and hopefully for my passion. I'm currently obsessed with blogging but I also want to start uploading videos on my Youtube channel. The Canon EOS Rebel T3i is the camera that I'm currently eyeing for.

I hope that you have finally found people who have the same interests as you and who work as hard as you do. It's good to have different kinds of people as friends but it's also important to have people who can fuel your desire to get things done because you're doing the same things together. I just really want you to have great friends so you can finally stop annoying your husband. The two of you are like two sides of a coin. You have different interests which make you a good couple but it is also a disadvantage because he is not able to help you with your career. You need other people for that.

I hope that you have finally found a way to live in the same house with your son while you're working because I miss him a lot right now. It's like I'm being robbed of my only source of happiness. Please know that you are a great mother. You're actually the best. Never think of yourself as anything less.

I hope you still have a great relationship with your husband. I know that he's very boring but he's actually the right one for you. He's not really my definition of hot right now but he's cute and very thoughtful. Most of the time, the only reason why you hate him is because you're PMSing. He doen't have any vice. He's diligent. He's very loyal. He knows how to work well with other people. He's someone that your dad will like if only he didn't die and if only you didn't get pregnant. He respects you a lot. He thinks that you're beautiful, sexy and smart. He took care of you when your mother had let you on your own. He gave you all the things that you wanted. You're just with him all the time. Once you're finally busy, you'll start realizing again that you have such a handsome husband. You'll remember again why you fell in love with him in the first place. You'll remember how your heart melts when he's smiling at you. You'll remember how excited you were on your first date. You're working now so you probably have realized all these already. We're one lucky girl.

Wherever you are right now, whether you're successful or not, I just want you to know that I am your biggest fan. You don't need the approval of others because my husband, my son and I love you so much! Whatever it is that you want to do, do it for us. I believe that we can achieve all our dreams. I HOPE that you still believe it too.

Sincerely yours,

21-year-old Mariju

Here's a blurry picture of your husband that was taken when he was still your biggest crush.

10 annoying things I always do to my husband even before we got married

1) Complaining that he doesn't help me with house chores and then saying "Take a rest. I'll do it" whenever he does start to help out.

2) Asking for treats like chocolates, smoothies or ice cream after I've had a very long day and then complaining to my husband if we weren't able to stick to our budget. We all know that "It's always his fault."

3) Jumping on him whenever I'm bored whether he is standing or sitting. It doesn't even matter if we're at school. A classmate of him caught me jumping on him once and laughed. Our son does this to him too. We're a crazy bunch.

4) Ordering him to buy chocolates and sanitary napkins whenever I'm on my period. Saying "no" is not allowed.

5) Asking him to do chores after he has just said that he's tired and then telling him that I need to rest more.

6) Making sure he accompanies me every time I buy clothes or shoes which is not very often so don't worry. As Gretchen Weiners from the movie "Mean Girls" have said, a girl shouldn't buy a skirt without asking her friends first. My husband is that kind of friend to me who I have to ask first before buying anything. I mean it's better to directly ask the opinion of the person you're trying to impress, right?

7) Forcing him to say "You're right" ALL THE TIME.

8) Interrogating him until he tells me his secrets including every detail of things as private as his past sexual life.

9) Commanding him to be my canvass during my makeup practice at least once a month.

10) Shaving his legs and tweezing his underarm hair against his will.

I DO HAVE A LOVING HUSBAND. :)

I saw this quotation from the latest video of Youtuber "ilikeweylie". I decided to recreate it on my "Paint" application. Thanks for reading!

A Flower That Blooms In Adversity

If you’re familiar with the title of my post then you are probably awesome. This is an excerpt from the wonderful Disney movie called “Mulan”. Correct me if I’m wrong but it was mentioned twice in the movie. It was said first by the Emperor of China and then by the father of Mulan. The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all.

When I was a kid, I loved playing under the rain. Our neighbors often forbid their children to go out while my siblings and I always did what we wanted. There was one particular time that I got curious why my other playmates were not allowed outside so I asked my mom.

 “Can we play under the rain?”

“It’s up to you” my mom said.

I saw the disapproval in the expression of her face.

“If she doesn’t want to let us go, why doesn’t she even try to stop us?” I thought.

It might seem like I had the best childhood years but I didn’t. We were allowed to do whatever it was that we wanted but whenever we did do something that was wrong, we were given physical punishments. It was like she was taking out all her anger for other people on us. She became the same as those she hated so much - her parents. I hated her too because she let herself become a monster just like them. In fact, I think I still do. Those punishments did not leave scars on our skins. No. The marks are only in my heart. I might have understood everything if only I was given a proper explanation and not the one that included blaming other people. It’s ironic because I’m also doing it now.

I’m sure my mom loves us. She just didn’t show it enough to us or I probably just didn’t see it. I don’t always hate her. There were times that I was very sweet to her. I just really am very sensitive. The people we love the most are also often the ones who hurt us the most and vice versa. I love my husband more than I love myself but I also hurt him a lot. I can see that he loves me a lot too because he always chooses to stay.

My dad was no better than my mom but the difference is that I respected him. A few days before he died, he told me something that my mom and siblings didn’t even know of. He said that we just have to graduate and he would finally stop using drugs. I know that he should have said that he would stop right there and then but all I really care about is that he was thinking of changing. I don’t know how my mom had suffered under his roof but he had something she didn’t - the hope to change.

It’s amazing how the sins of the parents are passed on to their children. It’s an endless cycle. I think I’m almost near to becoming a monster too. I did not intend to use this post to bash my parents nor my grandparents. This is just my way of asking for help. I hated so many people that I have almost started to hate myself.

I have often asked God why I wasn’t able to grow up like normal children, why I was born poor and why I was born to such foolish parents. Some people thought that we were rich because our first house and lot were a little bigger than of those who were around us while our second house was small but well furnished and is connected to our “for rent” space and apartment. What they don’t know is that we’re not only poor in money but we are also poor in love.  I have thought that if only I had loving people as my parents, ones who were also financially stable, I would have grown up as a different woman. I have also wondered why other families who have a hard time making ends meet are still able to have a happy life. How come they still love each other despite of their situation? I always ask why I have to be around people who are well off and happy. I may not seem like a religious person but I do pray a lot. I ask a lot of questions. In fact, most of the time my prayer consists of only questions.

I have blamed a lot of people for so long. My in-laws have also offended me in ways they’re not even aware of. I probably am just too sensitive. I have honestly hoped for a brand new set of family but the grudges I have held won’t give that to me. I’m always wondering why no one in this world won’t dare say sorry to me. I think that’s the closure that I need – just a simple “sorry”.

You probably think that this post is just pure sad. I’m going to disappoint you because you haven’t read my ending yet. If there is something good that my father has taught me, it’s that there is hope to change. There ARE a lot of people who care about me and it’s time that I focus on them instead of on my misfortunes. Lucky me, I was born smart. Yes, I am. There’s a reason why I’m still breathing. My mom is still alive because my siblings still need her and probably also because we haven’t patched up yet. My dad is gone because he has already fulfilled his purpose. We sometimes don’t believe but God truly has a reason for everything. We’re just dots on a much larger picture. Whenever I pray, I don’t get answers through any magical or mysterious way. God always puts the answers in my head. He gives me the knowledge to answer them myself.  As it was said by Professor Charles in the movie “X-men: Days of Future Past”, the future is never truly set. I still have a chance to be a flower that blooms in adversity. As for my mother, I hope that she will finally have the courage to apologize to me directly to give me the chance to do the same to her. A text message is enough. There isn’t a lot for us to talk about if she calls.

Thank you, my Lord, for giving me another great story to post.

And, thank you, my readers, for donating your time and mouse clicks on my blog. I hope I’m able to inspire you today.

Here is a childish drawing I did (on the application “Paint”) of me smiling, of my husband holding three balloons and a bouquet of flowers behind him and of my son jumping for joy just because his parents are happy.

My Tips On How You Can Be Organized In Every Aspect Of Your Life

Okay. Let us first talk about this crappy picture that I made. I know that it obviously does not look like something that was made by a professional. I just think that it's better for me to use a crappy picture than to simply grab someone else's awesome work online. Now that this is clear, here is a list of things you can do in order to stay organized.

1) Buy yourself a calendar and place it somewhere you can see it every morning of every day.

This type of calendar is what I like the most. It only has the days of the week so you can write or customize the dates of the month. This is not like those disposable ones that you can only use for a specific year. I like pinning a piece on our wall then changing it every month. You can place your calendar on your working table if you will see it better there. I just have a lot of stuff on mine. Make sure to buy a big calendar so you'll be able to write more stuff on it. You can definitely use a planner if it's more convenient for you. I'm just not the type who likes carrying a notebook wherever she goes.

2) Make a list of items that are in your fridge and make sure to update it every time you've cooked a meal and every time you've bought groceries.

I've read somewhere on the internet that one way to save money is to look into your trash can. If you can see wasted food then you probably need to rethink the amount of groceries you buy. Make sure to buy only enough for you or for your family. Tracking the amount of food you consume every day will give you an idea how long your groceries can last you. You might buy less or more than enough on your first try. If it is less, you can just go buy more groceries but make sure to apply what you have already learned. If it is more, just share it to your neighbour or to your friends. I'm sure they'll appreciate your random act of kindness.

3) Check your toiletries and cleaning supplies.

When I talk about groceries, I don't only mean food. I'm also talking about everything that a person may need. Checking your stock of toiletries and cleaning supplies will also give you an idea how often you need to buy new ones. Depending on your schedule or available time, this will also let you know how many it is that you need to stock. Going to the mall or grocery store often means more transportation expenses. Just imagine the amount of gas you're using if you're driving a car. You can save more by buying in bulk.

4) Take note of other things that need your attention.

Do you have pets? If so, how often do you buy them food and how many do you need to stock? Do you have a fish tank? How often do you need to clean it? It's better if you will write everything down. This way you can schedule all your chores on your free time. This will also let you know IF YOU DO HAVE FREE TIME. You'll be surprised by how many chores you need to do that you often forget to. There a lot things that you need to take in consideration and not just the things that I have mentioned. Do you have plants? How often do you need to water them? Do you need fertilizers?

5) Before going to the mall, jot down the things you need to buy and the price of each item.

This is something that we all know we should do but most often forget to. A very neat trick of mine is to add a 10% mark-up to the price of each item on my list. This way, I have extra cash to buy things that I do need but have forgotten to write down on my list and it's also a way for me to sneak in a treat for myself and for my family without being tempted to spend a lot of money. I only bring the exact amount of money I need.

money you need = (overall price of items to buy) + (10% mark-ups) + (transportation expenses)

Whenever the extra cash (10% mark-up) I have is not enough to buy something that I need but have forgotten to include on my list, I just analyze which items I need most. Whatever it is that I need least, I'll buy on my next trip to the mall.

6) Make a list of all your expenses.

For me, this is a very stressful thing to do specially when I have just bought something a bit expensive but have wanted for such a long time. This is something I only do when I have a gut feeling (or mother's instinct) that our budget for the week/month won't be enough or when I know that our budget is more than enough that there is a chance for us to save.

When you have written down your expenses, you'll immediately see the things you have already bought but shouldn't have yet, in short, things that aren't yet needed or not needed at all. It will give you an idea of the things that you should never buy again. This will also show you the actual prices of the things you need so you won't have to guess every time you're writing your grocery list. Tracking your expenses is a great way for you to know where you're your money has gone to. It's also a way to know if you've been buying more junk foods than healthy ones and a way for you to be reminded that God always provides your needs.

If you're budget is likely to be short, tracking your expenses will serve as a reminder of the amount of money you still have. You'll now be able to adjust your meal plans. Make sure to buy only foods you can afford. It's time to stop eating on restaurants and to start preparing all meals at home. Pack lunches if you need to.

If your budget is more than enough, tracking your expenses will give you an idea on how much you're saving.

Make sure to place your list of expenses somewhere you'll be able to immediately see it once you get home. If you're someone who easily forgets how much he spends, you can just bring your list with you. It's important that you don't forget to write down everything just so you won't be confused if your expenses doesn't tally with the money you still have. I need to admit that I don't do this religiously. I just don't like stressing myself too much. I do make sure that I only skip this whenever we do have more than enough budget.

This is where I write down all our expenses. I pinned these sheets of paper on our bedroom wall. As you can see, it's empty. I'm trying not to stress myself this month. I think I still need all the rest my mind can get. Even this blog post is weighing on me. This isn't easy to do. I spent a lot time thinking of what to write.

7) Make a list of things you want to buy.

One way of encouraging yourself to survive strict budgeting for days/weeks is to write down the things you want meaning your luxuries. I mentioned that there are times that I bought things that are a bit expensive but I have wanted for a long time. What my husband and I do is that we give ourselves a chance to buy our own luxury item every month. This is where 10% mark-ups most often go to. This is our reward for being able to stick to our budget. If I bought something for myself this month, my husband will buy something for himself next month and we'll buy something for our son the next month after that. This way, everybody gets a chance.

My list is often very long. What I do is that I rank the items based on what I want to buy the most. Whenever I get my chance, I buy the first thing on my list. This explains why the expensive things I buy are also the ones I wanted for a long time. Our wants change all the time so having a list is a good way to know what it is you really want.

8) Check your closet.

This is best for people who don't have the time to do their laundry whenever their baskets of dirty clothes are full. In order to know how often you need to do your laundry and which pieces of clothing you need to do first, you have to check your closet. Try to notice which pieces of clothing you run out of faster. Do you often have less clean socks and underwear to wear than shirts and pants? This will help you know which to prioritize. If you can afford it, just buy more socks and underwear so you can just schedule when and how often you need to do your laundry than also worrying about which pieces to clean first. Make sure to schedule them on your calendar so you won't forget.

9) Check your shoes.

Are your white shoes now brown? Shoes are the often the first thing people notice. Make sure they are always clean and try to  notice how long each pair can last its cleanliness. Make a schedule of when you have to clean your shoes.

10) Check your bedsheets, curtains and any other things that need to be regularly changed.

Your dirty pillow case can be the cause of your acne. Make sure to change them regularly. This is another chore all of us sometimes forget to do. Think about how often you need to change everything. This will also help you know when to do your laundry.

11) Check for dusts.

I know how annoying it is to have so many chores scheduled on your calendar. I'm a mother and that's what mothers do.

My husband and I have sensitive noses. We'll notice it if the the room we're staying in has not been cleaned recently because we'll immediately start sneezing. My husband also likes cleaning our windows and electric fans because he feels like the air in the room is cleaner if those things are also clean. Make sure to wipe the dusts off your AC system regularly. Look for places and things you often forget to vacuum or clean. Scrub the walls if your child has drawn on it again. My son sure loves his crayons.

You probably think that I'm only talking about being organized with chores but it's actually something more than that. Having an organized life at home will actually give you one less thing to worry about when you're at work or at school and just imagine what the reactions of your visitors will be like when they see how clean and organized your house is. These advices, if followed, will give you a perfect place to meditate in. Besides, if you want to be an organized person, you have to start with simple things. Everything starts at home. Your mother will probably thank you (or your wife, if you're a married guy). You should definitely do these if you're living by yourself.

12) Always replace the empty batteries of your wall clocks and wristwatches.

Having a reliable way to check the time is vital. It will let you know how long it takes to complete a chore. That way you can also have an idea when to schedule them. When scheduling anything, you have to know long that "thing" will take so make sure that your watches and clocks are always working. Some people like to advance the time in their watches and clocks so they will still be early for work or school when they think they're already late. This doesn't work for me since I still know by how many minutes the clock/watch was advanced. Plus, I think my visitors may get confused if what they can see in my wall clock is not the right time and I wasn't there with them to say that it was advanced. Time is gold. I think going to work or school 30 minutes before the given schedule is a waste of valuable time. Being 15 minutes early is enough for me but to each his own. You don't have to follow everything I do.

You don't have to buy an expensive wall clock. It is better to splurge on your wristwatch and on long lasting batteries This is the wall clock we have on our bedroom.

13) Assess your social life.

Think of five people who can help you be a better person or at least five people who make you happy then try your best to spend more time with those people. This is also something that I still have to improve. Being with the right people can give you the same satisfaction as being organized so it is best for you take care of your relationships with them.

Speaking of social life, I've thought about five people who I admire the most right now. I would like to take advantage of this post to praise them. FIRST IS MY HUSBAND. He is the kind of person who doesn't hold grudges. It's actually amazing how he can easily shake off things that will easily annoy me if it happens to me. He's a well-liked person. I don't even think he has enemies except maybe for an ex-girlfriend and a few of her friends. What I lack in social skills, he has a lot of. I'm more of a public speaker while he's good and very comfortable in small talks.

SECOND IS MY CLOSEST FRIEND, LEVY-LEEN. Do you notice how some people like to voice out that they're upright and religious and yet you can't even see it in their actions? Well, this person doesn't even have to say anything, you'll just see that she has a strong relationship with God in what she does. She's the most humble person I know. Sometimes I can't even believe she's real. She's like a living saint to me. If there's someone who can make me a better person, it's probably her.

THIRD IS ANOTHER GREAT FRIEND OF MINE, DENIECE. I like her because I feel like I can totally be honest with her. She's also the only person that I can always talk to about budgeting. I really like being with people who are simple. I hate having to keep up with the rich kids. She's actually the person that I talk to the most. She's also the only one who knows everything that has been going on in my life. She's that one friend that I always want to update whenever something good happens. I feel like my day is not complete if I don't talk to her.

FOURTH IS MY ROLE MODEL, ROSHEEN MAY. This person has inspired me in a lot of ways she's not even aware of. I feel like she's the most mature person I have as a friend. She's also the most artistic. Plus, she seems to be the only one who is living her life to the fullest. When it comes to anything "lifestyle goals" related, she's the one I always ask. We have the same interests so I'm really thankful that I know her. We've known each other since high school and I must say that she has blossomed into a beautiful lady.

LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST, MY "BESHIE", GENESIS. I've never heard this person brag. She's very down to earth even though she does have a lot to be proud of. She's beautiful and she's also a great writer.  I like her because even if I don't talk to her everyday, she will always be my best friend. Whenever we see each other, it's like we have never been apart. She is the sweetest and most thoughtful person I know. Lucky is the guy she'll marry. Of all my friends, I'm hoping that she will be the one to ask me to be a matron of honor.

I've got a lot of friends that I also want to thank but I don't want to further bore my readers with my long post. There are a lot more things you can do to organize your life, these are just the things that I do myself. Thank you for reading and for your patience. :)

10 songs I used to love and still do

Since I don't have anything relevant to do right now, I decided to jot down ten songs I'm not yet tired of. These are randomly listed. They're not ranked based on how much I love them. These are what I listen to when I'm bored at home and I just want to feel alive.

1) Who Says - Selena Gomez & The Scene
2) One Step At A Time - Jordin Sparks
3) Sweater Weather - The Neighbourhood
4) Masterpiece - Jessie J
5) Boom Clap - Charlie XCX
6) Fancy - Iggy Azalea ft. Charlie XCX
7) Mean - Taylor Swift
8) Picture Perfect - Charity Vance
9) Dear Future Husband - Meghan Trainor
10) Raise Your Glass (Clean) - P!nk

skirt falling off and dental crown falling out (embarrassing stories part 1)

FIRST STORY: SKIRT FALLING OFF IN FRONT OF THE CLASS

Back in college, we had a uniform. We had to wear a blouse, a vest, a blazer, a scarf, a skirt, a pair of stockings and not more than 2 inches of high heeled black shoes. We wore them from our first year in college until the fourth. During my second year, my uniform didn't fit me any more. It was too tight. Sadly, I couldn't afford to get a new one because for the likes of me one set of uniform is already expensive.

One day, I was with a classmate who was also my close friend. We were eating our lunches when she asked me about my skirt. She told me that she used to be fat but back then, she was already slim. She said that her skirt is too big for her and that she was only using a safety pin to secure it. I told her that mine was too small and that it was making me hard to breathe already. We then decided to go to the nearest comfort room to exchange skirts. I realized that hers was a little big on me so I asked for her safety pin. Surprisingly, my skirt fitted her perfectly. Thinking that it was better to wear a little loose skirt than wearing a super tight one, I decided to go along with the exchange.

Later in the afternoon of the day of the exchange, we were having an activity in one of our classes. Confident that everyone was finished, our instructor asked us to pass our work individually on his table. He called us one by one. When my name was called, I started walking towards his table. HALFWAY THERE, MY SKIRT FELL OFF. "Stupid safety pin!", I thought. Our seats were arranged alphabetically. Girls in the front and guys at the back. My last name used to be "Arellano" so imagine that I am in front of the whole class when the incident happened. Everybody saw it. I even heard someone gasp. I pulled up my skirt immediately and acted as if nothing happened. I heard a few whispers but I tried to dismiss them as best I as I could. Looking back, I think it was really funny. It was one of the reasons why I became thick-skinned.

SECOND STORY: TOOTH FALLING OUT AND ONTO THE MIDDLE OF THE TABLE

When I was still a child, one of my teeth hurt so bad that I asked my mom to take me to the Dentist. She was busy so she asked my dad to do it. I think my dad wasn't sure of what he was supposed to do. He talked to the Lady Dentist. Afterwards, the Dentist started pulling on my upper left canine tooth which wasn't the one that was aching. Being a child with two adults, I didn't dare complain. I went home with one less teeth and another one that was still hurting. Days later, I started pulling on the hurting tooth myself. I know that I shouldn't but I was successful.

I thought that everything was already fine but years later, my permanent canine tooth still hadn't grown. I was already in high school when it finally started showing. I should be happy but to my surprise, the enamel of my still growing left canine tooth was eroding. Scared, I asked my mom to accompany me to a different Dentist.

The dentist advised me to get a dental crown and I did. It lasted until my first year in college. Since nothing can last forever, my dental crown fell out. Afraid to spend more money, my mom decided to use a "Mighty Bond" to fix it. Yes. You read that right.

Another year later, My friends and I were eating at a Mister Donuts outlet WHEN SUDDENLY MY DENTAL CROWN FELL OUT AND ONTO THE MIDDLE OF THE TABLE. It wasn't the first time that it fell out after using "Mighty Bond" but it was the first time that it happened in public. I was so embarrassed to actually pick it up in fronts of my friends. Everyone saw it but no one was brave enough to comment about it. We had a pretty long awkward conversation. By the time we were done eating and talking, I immediately took my dental crown. What's funnier is that everyone saw me take it. After that, I stopped wearing it so don't be surprised if you'll see a very small canine tooth when I smile. It's half the size of an actual tooth without its dental crown. Don't worry, I still plan on getting a new one. I'm just waiting for our budget to allow it since my husband and I are still spending money for our travel documents that I'm currently preparing. 

Here's a funny picture of me. Thanks for reading!

I love my acne-prone wide nose, my curly hair, my bandy legs and my non-existent butt.

Let’s all take our time looking at this childish drawing of a female body. I made it using the application called “Paint”. I’m so proud of myself. Hahaha!

In my point of view, there’s no such thing as imperfections. Just like there’s no such thing as a perfect person. We always think that something is imperfect if it’s not likeable. How can I have imperfections if I love everything about my body? I love my body for what it was, what it is and for what it will be. I don’t want to be a hypocrite. If I can afford it, I will get a nose job. If I get fat at the age of 40, I will still love my body. I love it so much that I’m sure I won’t get fat because I want to keep it healthy. To keep myself from further beating around the bush, here is a list of my "supposed-to-be-imperfect" body parts that I love.

Here’s a beautiful shot of me and my close friend holding our babies. Can we just talk about how funny and wide my nose looks in this photo? If you can’t see it then don’t worry because I’ve got plenty of pictures showing it. Growing up, I heard a lot of hilarious comments about my nose. I was never really affected by it. That’s because I never thought of it as a flaw. I only get uncomfortable when it’s a kid who’s speaking about it. Kids don’t stop staring. It’s like they can look at my nose for a whole day. The reason I’m so cool with it is because my ancestors had this kind of nose too. It’s a result of bad genes. My son has it too. I think it’s funny. My husband loves it whenever I make jokes about my nose. I have long embraced it. People can’t  make fun of me if I beat them to it.

Now, let's talk about my curly hair. Are you going to believe me if I tell you that I had soft afro curls when I was still a baby? Well, I did. I was a baby with fair skin, chinky eyes and curly hair. It's too bad I don't have a picture to prove it. The only baby picture I know of that my mom still has of me is the one that she has already framed back at her house. I love my curly hair. I love it better when it's in its natural curly form than when it's been rebonded. I feel like it's what makes me who I am. I'm sorry. It's hard to explain. Hehe.

My hairline is curly while the rest of my hair are just wavy. I think it looks unique.

I think it's pretty obvious in this photo that I have bandy legs. I used to hate them but I have learned how to hide them better now. I practised in front of a mirror. What I did actually made me more conscious of how I look in a positive way. I'm still learning but I want to say that I know how to carry myself better now.

Can you find my butt? I can't see them either. It's really hard for me to find a pair of jeans that will look great on me. I always have to take in consideration my bandy legs and non-existent butt. This is the reason why I don't buy anything that I haven't fitted or tried on yet. It's okay though because all these are what makes shopping more interesting. Having to look for the right one for myself is just so exciting.

After writing about my body parts that I've learned to love, I'm now going to talk about the things that I really like even as a kid. I like my thin lips. I think they make my smile look better. I like my cheekbones. They won't exactly make me a model but they do also make my smile look more beautiful. My husband likes my smile and I owe it to God for making me just the way I am.

A V-shape face makes you look younger but a strong jawline makes you look fierce. Here's a picture of me with my older brother and my son. My older brother and I have the same nose, right? I like how my jaw is emphasized in this photo. I'm sorry if I keep using old pictures. I just like how I can reminisce while also writing for my blog.

I feel like this isn't a good shot of me but it perfectly shows how my eyes look when I'm not trying to make it look bigger for the camera. This picture was taken during my son's first birthday celebration. Down below are two more photos that show my chinky eyes.

This was taken during my husband's college graduation last year.

I like having chinky eyes because it shows that I'm asian and I AM proud to be one. This shot was also taken during my husband's college graduation day.

Lastly, I love my tummy. This has been home to my son for nine months. Being a mother makes me proud of myself. It's not just because I was able to bear a child but it's because I'm now a better person. Anyone who loves his or her child eventually becomes a good person.

This is a recent picture of mine. This was taken just a few days ago.

This picture was also taken the same day as the last one. I'm not exactly really fit nor really healthy. I'm just trying to take care of my body. I try to go out more often and continue eating healthy. I like to think that my body is a temple of God. There are a lot of things that I still need to do if I want to be considered fit. All I am sure of is that it's not too late to achieve my goals. I just have to start now and not a minute later. Time is that precious. Thanks for reading!

My Lazy Day No Makeup Look Routine

Do you have those days when you can't be bothered to do a full face makeup but you don't want to go out with your bare face as well? I do. The routine that I'm going to show to you today is what I do whenever I'm late and I don't have the luxury of doing all my makeup, whenever it's too hot outside and I don't want to put too many products that will end up mixing with the oil on my face and clogging my pores, whenever it's raining outside and I may end up getting my face wet but I still want to prepare for whatever it is that I'm going to and lastly, whenever I'm just feeling plain old lazy.

From left to right and top to bottom, I'm using a Retractable Powder Brush from Nichido (My husband bought this for me. I'm not sure but I want to say it's worth $9), my Eyebrow Defining Pencil from Avon, my Concealer from Elf, my Compressed Powder in the shade Natural from Ever Bilena (I'm not sure how much this costs. I "borrowed" it from my younger sister.), my Maybelline Baby Lips Pink Glow in the shade Pink Blast (Again, my husband bought this for me. I have a bad memory. I'm guessing this is more or less $3.),  my Marionnaud N*38, N*34 and N*33 brushes (all brushes won't cost more than $4 each) and last but not the least, my Maybelline ClearSmooth All in One BB Cream in the shade 01 Fresh (this won't cost you more than $7). I have used some of these products in my Eyebrow routine post. Don't be confused if I won't talk about them in detail any more. You can check them here if you're interested.

I usually start by applying five small dots of my BB cream from Maybelline. I like how this also acts a  moisturizer and a sunscreen. It's perfect when you're in a hurry but you still want to protect and take care of your skin. I've also noticed that it makes my undereye dark circles and pores less visible while still looking barely there and it's also perfect for my oily face. Somehow, my skin don't end up oily after long hours of wearing this. I'm not sure how I'm going to explain that to you but all you really have to know is that I'm impressed.

Some people like using their hands when they're in a hurry. I like to believe that I'm different. I like using my brushes when I'm running out of time just because I don't want to have to wash my hands after doing my makeup. I like to head out the door once everything's finished. My makeup is usually the last thing I do before going out. I'm using my Marionnaud N*33 Foundation brush to blend in my BB cream.

Even though my BB cream make my undereye dark circle less visible, I still like applying my Concealer for more coverage and for higlighting on my undereye. Nobody wants to look like a zombie, right? That's what I look like when I don't have enough sleep. Did I mention that I had a long week?

I'm using my Marionnaud N*34 Concealer brush.

If you've checked my Instagram and Facebook accounts then you already know that I don't go out without wearing any lip product. (By the way, if you want to be my friend and add me on any of my social media accounts. Just give me a direct message and tell me that you knew me from my blog. I will read and respond to all messages that I'll receive. I'm just a little private only on my Facebook account.) I think I have the palest lips. I look sick if I don't wear a lipstick. It's because of iron deficiency and the fact that I don't go out too often. I use my Maybelline Baby Lips Pink Glow in the shade Pink Blast when I'm not in the mood to wear anything bold. 

Last, I like applying my Compressed Powder in the shade Natural from Ever Bilena using my Retractable Powder Brush from Nichido to set everything in place.

Here is the final look. It doesn't look like I'm wearing all those products that I showed you, right? I hope you enjoyed reading my post. Thanks for donating a few minutes and a few clicks. I appreciate it a lot. :)

50 Random Facts About Me

1) I was born on May 02, 1994. I'm 21 years old now.
2) I don't cook any meal with pork and beef. I'm not a vegetarian though since I cook chicken once or twice a month. We usually eat fruits, vegetables and fish at home.
3) My favorite reward or stress-reliever after a long stressful day is a cookies and cream shake with pearls from Zagu.
4) I'm the kind of person who won't talk to you unless you talk to me first.
5) I'm a very crazy person. I'm usually hyper active so if you know that, I probably think of you as a great friend.
6) I seldom drink but if someone asks me to, I will. I've already known my limit so you can't get me drunk any more. Sorry. I am kind of obsessed with red wine though.
7) I can go a whole day without speaking to anyone but I can also talk a lot. My husband is very lucky to hear me blabber about boring things every night. I think he likes it. He should.
8) I like watching makeup routines. I actually created a Youtube account just so I can subscribe to Beauty Gurus.
9) My ultimate dream is to be financially stable so I can finally adopt a boy from the streets. I want to find a kid who was neglected by his parents. I'll give him the opportunity to study and better his life. I've actually talked to my husband about this already and he said yes.
10) My favorite fruit is cantaloupe.
11) I like studying a lot. If it is God's will, I want to take a Masters degree in the future and a Doctoral afterwards. I can also take Law. I don't really mind which. I just really want to study more.
12) If I would be able to save for a nice video camera, I would also like to create videos on Youtube. It will be a great challenge for me to always be creative.
13) I am really interested in anything Japanese. Everything about Japan is just so intriguing to me. My next favorite people are the Americans. Next are the English, the South Koreans, the Canadians and the Swedish.
14) I'm really interested in religion. I want to learn about all religions of the world. I want to know about all kind of Gods. Don't get me wrong though. I only have one God. The creator of the heaven and the earth.
15) I like watching lots of TV series. My favorites are the Game of Thrones, Arrows, Teen Wolf, The Walking Dead, Prison Break and The Mentalist.
16) My favorite author is John Green. I've already read all his books. I like his brother Hank too.
17) My favorite activity is roller skating.
18) I don't know how to swim but I would like to learn soon.
19) I don't know how to ride a bike but like swimming, I still want to learn how.
20) I plan to get a Driver's License soon.
21) My favorite singer at the moment is Taylor Swift but I also like Jessie J and Iggy Azalea.
22) I would love to have my own garden in the future or at least have a house with at least three indoor plants in each room.
23) The makeup product that I can't live without is lipstick.
24) My favorite perfume is the Pur Blanca from Avon. I like the one that smells like freesia.
25) My favorite Youtuber is Itsmelexie1 and HayleeandFamily.
26) My favorite blogger is Stephanie Nguyen from petitepastels.blogspot.com
27) My favorite color is hot pink.
28) My role model is Angelina Jolie.
29) My husband and I were married on December 18, 2013
30) I used to compose songs when I was a teenager.
31) My favorite lotion is from Nivea.
32) My favorite breakfast is cereals.
33) I can't stand seeing a full laundry basket. I just have to empty it and do the laundry.
34) I had two French classes back in college. One was basic and the other was advanced. I don't think I'll get lost if ever I'll go to France.
35) I am currently obsessed with coffee. It completes my day.
36) I like organizing things but I don't like cleaning up the mess of other people unless they're my family.
37) If I can't see a garbage can near me, I'll keep my thrash in my pocket or in my bag. I just can't get myself to litter my surroundings.
38) I'm not the kind of person who often voices out her disapproving opinion but if ever I do, it's probably because someone has offended me greatly with or without his knowing.
39) One way of you knowing if you've offended me is when I avoid you.
40) I feel incredibly uncomfortable when talking to older people. If you ever see me talking to an elderly with ease then it only means that I really respect that person because I feel like I can only open up to people who I think deserve it.
41) I love jogging. Whenever my husband and I have a chance, we usually go out at dawn just to jog.
42) There's not an hour that I don't think of my son. There are a few minutes that I can get myself occupied but he will always be back on my mind. I guess once you become a parent you'll never stop being one.
43) I like people who don't mind if I don't update them on my every day life. You can stop talking for months but once you get reunited it's like you haven't been apart at all.
44) I'm a very forgetful person so if there was something that you wanted me to do then make sure that you remind me about it.
45) I was lazy at doing my homework but I didn't mind doing it for others. It was actually beneficial to me because whenever I do the homework of others, it reminds me that I have to do mine too. Also, I feel like I'm so smart whenever someone asks me to do their homework. I told you I'm crazy.
46) I'm very frank so if you're a close friend of mine, I have probably said something to you that will probably sound like an insult if I weren't your friend. My husband got used to me already.
47) I like watching movies on cinemas. Whenever we have the money and chance to do it, my husband and I will go watch a movie.
48) I have this rule that I can't buy new clothes unless I've worn the last one I've bought. The same applies to makeup. I can't buy a new one unless I've used up my last one.
49) I love eating spicy ramen. We actually bought chopsticks just for it.
50) I love shopping for makeup but I don't do it often though because I'm a very frugal person.

An old picture of me and my son just because I miss him right now.

I'll keep the fire burning.

Have you ever met a person who believes so much in you that you started to trust yourself too?

When I was in Elementary, I was a very shy girl. I used to purposely make my voice inaudible whenever a teacher would ask me to read something out loud. I wasn't very social. I wasn't the kind of child that you'd see playing with other kids. I was always in a world of my own. (Just a year ago, I thought pregnancy and marriage were what made anti-social. I realize only now that I've always been like this.) I was always like that until one day, my English teacher asked me a question in front of the class. One my classmates said something bad about me out loud. My teacher replied "No. I know she can do it. She's good in English." Even though I knew that she was just saying it and that she didn't really mean it, somehow I wanted to believed her. I started to think that I was good in it too.

Since I wasn't the kind of child you'd see playing outside, I spent most of my time indoors watching Disney Channel, MTV, National Geographic Channel and History Channel. I watched other channels too but these were the ones that affected me a lot. I also used to play a lot with my siblings but I couldn't really consider that as socializing. Whenever my older brother would want to watch another channel that was different from what I wanted, I would then turn my attention to reading books. I read anything that I was able to get my hands on.

I was going on with my life as usual when I encountered another English teacher that I probably would never forget. I hated him so much because I wasn't really sure if he liked me or not. He shared stories about me to people he knew and I wasn't really sure if that was supposed to be a compliment. One time, we were having a discussion about myths and tales. He told us a story and then he asked us to write a different ending for it. The next day, he told the whole class that he had a good laugh with what I wrote. He was literally laughing like a hyena. It annoyed me so much because back then, I didn't really think that what I had written was funny. I thought that I was just writing an ending to a story. I wrote that the main character would end up drunk and that he would get his necktie mistaken as a snake. From then on, he would always ask me to answer a question in front of the class which I hated. Worst part was when I went to a family reunion, one of my relatives heard my name and then she suddenly approached me and told me that my English teacher was talking non-stop about me. She was laughing too. It was crazy. I was so angry yet what happened actually made me believe again that I was probably good at something. I was probably good at writing.

When I was finally in High School, my mom was still working abroad. There was no one to guide us so I started failing at school. It was horrific. I mostly got grades with a percentage starting with 7. The only exceptions were my three grades that started with 8. It led me to think again that I wasn't good in anything since I was miserably failing. I then asked my mom to let me transfer to another school and to let me get tutors during the summer. At the age of 11, I was going to be tutored. It's quite funny, really. It didn't last long though. After a month of being tutored I realized that the subjects were easy so I told my tutor that I wanted to quit. I'm not going to lie, I was also kind of lazy.

When the next school year started, I got the confirmations again that I was good at something. You see, I had a very rocky love and hate relationship with myself. Year after year, I would get simple compliments from my English teachers. They thought that I had a potential in writing. (I'm not going write about them in detail since it will make my story too long.) They probably didn't mean it but I believed every single one of them. When I was finally a junior, I had an English teacher who was also our adviser and our High School Department Head. For some reason, she believed in me. I knew that I wasn't the best in what I do (I'm not really the best in it today either. I'm sure a lot of Grammar Nazis hate me now.) but she kept telling me that I had a potential and that I should try submitting articles to a publishing company that we once toured. As usual, I was too lazy to do it though. I was also lazy in making my assignments and projects before so she often scolded me. High School gave me a lot of pretty good memories. I experienced running for Vice President in our school's Student Council. I didn't win but I saw how my close friends supported me. I also participated in a few essay writing contests which I won a lot. All thanks to our Department head since she always asked me to join even though I thought there were a lot of students who were better than me. I think she was very proud of me when I finally graduated high school with honors.

College was an even greater adventure. It was where I found the love of my life. He's my number one supporter. It was also where I met an instructor who had the greatest influence on me. He told me before that he could see that I could go to any place I would want to go to in the future. The funny thing was that my mother also said that to me just a few months before he did.

I don't think I have already failed those who believed in me just yet. I haven't travelled the world but I still think I can do it. It will probably take me a few more months or a few more years but it's okay. I promise. I'll keep the fire burning.

This post should have been longer because there's a lot of things that I really want to share. I'm going to keep it short so as not to bore you. I didn't write to this brag. I wrote this as some sort of thank you letter for all the people who believed in me. I don't remember most of their names and I don't think they will be able to read this either. I'm just hoping that whoever is reading this right now will be inspired to keep the fire burning too. If someone believes in you then don't let them down. If you think no one supports you then believe in yourself and once you finally get the things you want in life, believe in others too. Give them the support that you didn't get. Be a better person than the people who put you down. Lastly, dream big.

Here's an old picture of me with my son just because he's one of my inspirations right now.

From sparse to filled-in-yet-natural-looking brows: My budget-friendly routine

The first time I got my eyebrows done, the lady who did my brows still filled them in with a defining pencil at the end. That's how sparse my brows are. It did not even take long since there were only a few stray hairs to remove. From then on, I started doing my own eyebrows since I realized that I would have to fill them in everyday anyway.

In filling my eyebrows, I only use three products. I can't remember how much they cost exactly but I am pretty sure that they won't empty your pockets. I use an Eyebrow Defining Pencil from Avon. Mine is in the shade black. I believe this will only cost about $2. It will probably be even cheaper whenever Avon is having a sale, which they do have almost every month. I use mine a lot so as you can see, it's already short. My concealer is from Elf. It is in the shade Ivory. It's a few shades lighter than my skintone since I use this to cover my under eye dark circles and for highlighting my brow bone as well. I forgot how much it costs but I'm pretty sure it's affordable so no worries. The slanted-brush-and-spoolie-in-one that I have is from Marionnaud. It's the N*38 brush.  It will cost less than $2 dollars as well.

Let's start!

#TeamFreshFace 

I prefer do my eyebrows first before applying any other type of makeup just because it's my most favorite thing to do. Please note that all pictures in this post were not filtered. The lighting in my room is not really good so my skintone may look different in each shot. :)

This is how sparse my eyebrows are.

First step is to brush your eyebrows with a spoolie.

Next, you'll have to get the product onto your brush. Obviously, it will be easier to use a brow powder. I'm just making use of what I have. I don't apply the pencil directly to my brows because I tend to mess up when I do it that way. You can use it directly if you have better hand control than I have.

Apply it now to your brows. Make sure to use short, gentle strokes and to follow the direction your brow is growing for a more natural look. You can draw a straight line and define your arch if you want. I just like how imperfect mine looks when it's done. It's like your natural brows but better.

Now, you can highlight your brow bone. You can also use the concealer to correct any mistakes. Definitely use it if you're going for the perfectly defined brows.

Please excuse the bad lighting but here you go! It doesn't look sparse any more. It looks natural but it's not. This is what I do if I'm just going out and I don't want to look like I've spent too much time getting ready. I didn't really spend much time though since you can definitely do this within a minute especially when you're used to it already.

I haven't fixed my hair since it's not yet dry but here's my full makeup look.

Here's a before and after picture that I edited a few months ago. See the difference?

Here's another shot. You can probably tell by now that I love filling in my eyebrows. :)

Thanks for reading!

Why is it okay to feel lost?

First of all, I hope no one's thinking that I'm talking about being lost in a jungle or in a city you've never been in before. You can feel lost even in the security of your own home. How? You may lack the feeling of belongingness. When I talk about being lost, I don't only mean physically. I'm pertaining to the feeling of not being where you should be, of not doing what you should do, or of simply not being with the people you think you should be with.

Why is it okay? It is because you still have time to change things.

If you're not where you think you should be or if you're not doing what you think you should do then what are you waiting for? Stand up and take your first step. There can be a lot of things that can hinder you from going to where you want to go. First, you probably still don't know where it is you're supposed to head to. That is still okay. Try everything until you find what it is that you want. This can be applicable to both your career or to the place you want to live in or travel to. Second can be financial problems. Not all of us were born in a first world country. I, myself, have been born in a third world. Don't worry. You can't get what you want with just a snap of your fingers but it's not impossible either. Even if you can't get the life you want as fast as you can, why rush? Life is not a race. Take time to save for what you need. There can also be other factors. You're probably thinking about the people you are going to leave behind. You just have to think of what you're priority is. Analyze everything and whatever your decision will be, just make sure you won't regret it. There a lot of things that we can only solve by ourselves.

If you're simply not with the people you think you should be with, assess first the people who are around you. Why don't you want to be with them? Are they toxic to you? You can't just leave people without saying anything but you can't also force yourself to be with them if they're not good for you. I can't tell you exactly how you can get the negative people out of your life. All I can say is that you always need to think twice especially if you've been with the person for such a long time. I'm not good at social things myself. I just know that we all need to surround ourselves with positive people.

Life is short but it doesn't mean that you have to get things figured out in just an instant. Take your time butt don't take too long. Plan everything but don't forget to relax and have some fun. Most of all, don't compare yourself to others. Thanks for reading! I love you guys!

Here's a not-so-old picture of me smiling.