I'll keep the fire burning.

Have you ever met a person who believes so much in you that you started to trust yourself too?

When I was in Elementary, I was a very shy girl. I used to purposely make my voice inaudible whenever a teacher would ask me to read something out loud. I wasn't very social. I wasn't the kind of child that you'd see playing with other kids. I was always in a world of my own. (Just a year ago, I thought pregnancy and marriage were what made anti-social. I realize only now that I've always been like this.) I was always like that until one day, my English teacher asked me a question in front of the class. One my classmates said something bad about me out loud. My teacher replied "No. I know she can do it. She's good in English." Even though I knew that she was just saying it and that she didn't really mean it, somehow I wanted to believed her. I started to think that I was good in it too.

Since I wasn't the kind of child you'd see playing outside, I spent most of my time indoors watching Disney Channel, MTV, National Geographic Channel and History Channel. I watched other channels too but these were the ones that affected me a lot. I also used to play a lot with my siblings but I couldn't really consider that as socializing. Whenever my older brother would want to watch another channel that was different from what I wanted, I would then turn my attention to reading books. I read anything that I was able to get my hands on.

I was going on with my life as usual when I encountered another English teacher that I probably would never forget. I hated him so much because I wasn't really sure if he liked me or not. He shared stories about me to people he knew and I wasn't really sure if that was supposed to be a compliment. One time, we were having a discussion about myths and tales. He told us a story and then he asked us to write a different ending for it. The next day, he told the whole class that he had a good laugh with what I wrote. He was literally laughing like a hyena. It annoyed me so much because back then, I didn't really think that what I had written was funny. I thought that I was just writing an ending to a story. I wrote that the main character would end up drunk and that he would get his necktie mistaken as a snake. From then on, he would always ask me to answer a question in front of the class which I hated. Worst part was when I went to a family reunion, one of my relatives heard my name and then she suddenly approached me and told me that my English teacher was talking non-stop about me. She was laughing too. It was crazy. I was so angry yet what happened actually made me believe again that I was probably good at something. I was probably good at writing.

When I was finally in High School, my mom was still working abroad. There was no one to guide us so I started failing at school. It was horrific. I mostly got grades with a percentage starting with 7. The only exceptions were my three grades that started with 8. It led me to think again that I wasn't good in anything since I was miserably failing. I then asked my mom to let me transfer to another school and to let me get tutors during the summer. At the age of 11, I was going to be tutored. It's quite funny, really. It didn't last long though. After a month of being tutored I realized that the subjects were easy so I told my tutor that I wanted to quit. I'm not going to lie, I was also kind of lazy.

When the next school year started, I got the confirmations again that I was good at something. You see, I had a very rocky love and hate relationship with myself. Year after year, I would get simple compliments from my English teachers. They thought that I had a potential in writing. (I'm not going write about them in detail since it will make my story too long.) They probably didn't mean it but I believed every single one of them. When I was finally a junior, I had an English teacher who was also our adviser and our High School Department Head. For some reason, she believed in me. I knew that I wasn't the best in what I do (I'm not really the best in it today either. I'm sure a lot of Grammar Nazis hate me now.) but she kept telling me that I had a potential and that I should try submitting articles to a publishing company that we once toured. As usual, I was too lazy to do it though. I was also lazy in making my assignments and projects before so she often scolded me. High School gave me a lot of pretty good memories. I experienced running for Vice President in our school's Student Council. I didn't win but I saw how my close friends supported me. I also participated in a few essay writing contests which I won a lot. All thanks to our Department head since she always asked me to join even though I thought there were a lot of students who were better than me. I think she was very proud of me when I finally graduated high school with honors.

College was an even greater adventure. It was where I found the love of my life. He's my number one supporter. It was also where I met an instructor who had the greatest influence on me. He told me before that he could see that I could go to any place I would want to go to in the future. The funny thing was that my mother also said that to me just a few months before he did.

I don't think I have already failed those who believed in me just yet. I haven't travelled the world but I still think I can do it. It will probably take me a few more months or a few more years but it's okay. I promise. I'll keep the fire burning.

This post should have been longer because there's a lot of things that I really want to share. I'm going to keep it short so as not to bore you. I didn't write to this brag. I wrote this as some sort of thank you letter for all the people who believed in me. I don't remember most of their names and I don't think they will be able to read this either. I'm just hoping that whoever is reading this right now will be inspired to keep the fire burning too. If someone believes in you then don't let them down. If you think no one supports you then believe in yourself and once you finally get the things you want in life, believe in others too. Give them the support that you didn't get. Be a better person than the people who put you down. Lastly, dream big.

Here's an old picture of me with my son just because he's one of my inspirations right now.